Sitting in a Tree
by Angelic Guardian
Summary: Zim learns that GIR has taken a liking to Gaz and decides to use this knowledge to assist his mission. Oneshot.


**Author's Note:** I get why people love GIR, but personally, my favorite character is Dib. I just feel for the kid, and I admire his tenacity. Gaz is awesome too, though, since she's such a badass. And despite all of that, I can't help rooting for Zim and all of his delusional glory. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love all of the main characters.

As for pairings, I know ZADR has a huge following in this fandom, and I get the appeal behind it, as I'm a fan of love/hate relationships, but I also know romance is the furthest thing from this show. Yet, having said that, the one hypothetical ship I could see myself getting on board would be ZAGR. If we're talking strictly personality-wise, one could certainly argue their compatibility.

Anyway, this is all just for fun, so enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** Invader ZIM © Jhonen Vasquez

* * *

The blazing sunshine fueled Zim's rising frustrations as he strolled through the park with GIR trailing behind. He swiped at a bee incessantly buzzing near his head, pausing to glance around and take in the sights of children partaking in outdoor merriment. Their squeals of laughter and joy sickened him to an unbearable degree, and with his patience all but gone, he tugged on GIR's dog leash.

"Let's go, GIR! I can't stand to watch these small human stink beasts a moment longer. They _nauseate_ me. We'll simply have to inflict our reign of doom upon these pathetic beings another day. GIR?"

He turned to find his disguised robot plucking some colorful little plants from the ground. His eyes bulged, and he rushed over and knocked them out of GIR's hands.

"GIR, what do you think you're doing? You can't go around pulling things out of Earth's soil! They could be infected with poison. Or dirt! We can't have any human contaminants infiltrating our superior systems."

GIR scooped the plants back up, bringing them to his face. "But I like flowers! They're puuurdy."

"Flowers?" Zim said, cocking his head.

"They smell reeeeal good," GIR said, and he shoved them in Zim's face. "See?"

Zim screamed and flailed his arms in a panic as he tried to ward off the flowers GIR insisted on thrusting in his face. Finally, he ripped them out of GIR's hands.

"Have you completely lost your feeble mind?!" he said, chucking them to the ground. "Get this through your malfunctioning comprehending chip, GIR. Flowers are bad. Anything that grows from the Earth is bad. Now, let's get out of here before you cause me any more mental pain."

He yanked on GIR's leash. The robot fell forward, leaving Zim to drag him out of the park, but not before GIR secretly swiped up the flowers again, cradling them to his chest as he closed his eyes and inhaled.

Zim's intense loathing only deepened as he reflected on the day's trivialities while muttering angrily to himself the entire way home. When Dib's house came into view, his anger flared, and he clenched the leash so hard it could snap.

 _"Dib._ That big-headed, infuriating Earth smelly! I wonder what he's planning to do next to try and thwart my mission to enslave the human race. I'll bet he's… GIR?"

GIR had leapt up from the ground and now ambled up to the front door, where he dropped the sloppily thrown together bouquet of flowers. He walked back, pleased with himself, when Zim grabbed him by the top of his head.

"GIR," he said. "Why did you leave those terrifying plant thingies on the Dib's doorstep?"

"I'unno," GIR said with a shrug.

"Think hard, GIR," Zim said. "Use that faulty robot brain of yours and _think!"_

A few seconds went by in which GIR simply stared up at Zim with his big, round, clueless eyes, and Zim stared back at him with his patience draining more and more by the second.

"Well?" Zim said, on the verge of snapping altogether.

GIR's glazed look suddenly came to life as he pointed and screamed, "SQUIRREL!"

He took off after the furry little rodent, which had scurried down the sidewalk with an acorn in its mouth.

"GIR!" Zim said, chasing after his disobedient sidekick. "GIR, get back here!"

After they'd run off, the door to the Membrane house opened, and Professor Membrane peered out. He looked down to find the flowers laying there, and he picked them up, scratching his head. A scrap of paper tacked onto the flower stems read _GAZ_ in scraggly letters. Shutting the door, he turned to his kids, both of whom sat on the couch. Dib stared at the TV, engrossed in the latest episode of Mysterious Mysteries, while Gaz played her Game Slave 2.

"Daughter," Professor Membrane said, "it appears you have a secret admirer."

An electric current of shock and horror rippled through both Gaz and Dib. The former snapped her head up and dropped her gaming device as her large, amber eyes momentarily popped open, while Dib fell right off the couch.

"You must have left quite an impression on some young child who's still naïve enough to succumb to such passing feelings of blind adoration," Professor Membrane said as he handed the flowers to Gaz, who snatched them from his grasp and eyed them in steely suspicion. "A little word of fatherly advice, if you plan on tearing the limbs off of whoever sent you these flowers, try to do so without crushing the person's fragile feelings beyond repair." With that, he walked off, shaking his head to himself as he laughed warmly. "Ah, young love…"

Gaz clutched the flowers, holding them at arm's length, while her brother got up and paced the room.

"This has got to be some kind of trick," Dib said. "But by who? And what's their ulterior motive? I mean, let's face it, nobody in their right mind would actually give you flowers."

"Are you saying there's no possibility I could _actually_ have a secret admirer?" Gaz asked.

"Well, there's got to be some sort of logical explanation as to why anyone would be foolish enough to give _you_ of all people a bouquet of—"

Unbeknownst to Dib, he'd invoked the wrath of his younger sister, and he found out the hard way when she smacked him in the head with the flowers, exploding petals everywhere. She grabbed a fistful of his shirt, grinding her teeth.

"I'm only gonna say this once," she said. "Stay out of my business, or I'll remove your head and feed it to a _pig."_

She shoved him away and stormed out, while Dib simply stared after her, not quite shaken by her threat. His gaze dropped to the crumpled up flowers on the floor, and he narrowed his eyes.

"I'll get to the bottom of this."

* * *

Zim pressed himself against the front door of his base, wheezing, his stick-like legs struggling to hold himself up. GIR had since taken off his dog costume and now giggled insanely as he pranced about the living room.

"You're acting more peculiar than usual, GIR," Zim said. "Clearly, you're long overdue for a software upgrade."

Abruptly, GIR halted, and his head panel popped open. He took out a piece of paper and thrust it at Zim.

"Lookit what I drew!"

He waved the paper around in Zim's face until the alien boiled with fury and ripped it out of his hands. Zim gazed down at the scratchy crayon drawing and felt his antennae twitch upon recognizing the purple-haired female in the picture.

"This is a drawing of you eating pizza with… the Dib-sister? GIR, what is the meaning of this?"

GIR's tongue poked out of his mouth as he stood there with a blank expression without saying a word. Zim narrowed an eye at him, leaning in closer.

"Those flowers… Did you leave them for Dib's scary female sibling?"

GIR's countenance changed at last as he smiled a sickly sweet grin and gave a nod. Zim blinked, slowly straightening his posture.

"So, you've grown fond of the Dib-sibling, have you?" He tapped one of his claw-like fingers to his face as he pondered the notion. "This is quite an interesting development… Dib has already repressed our mission far too many times, and his sister is one intimidating adversary… Perhaps, if you were to spend some time with her, you could get her to disclose Dib's weaknesses to you, and we could use them to destroy him once and for all so that I can finally conquer the Earth without the Dib squandering my brilliant, evil, _brilliantly evil_ plans… Yes. I'm INGENIOUS! Laugh with me, GIR!"

Zim let out a grandiose laugh of sheer madness. GIR watched in silence for a moment before he, too, erupted into a fit of maniacal laughter.

* * *

Dib and Gaz sat alone at their usual lunch table when Zim marched up behind them. Dib paused in his chewing, as if sensing the incoming disturbance to their thus far uneventful lunch, and finally, he turned around.

 _"Zim,"_ he said, clenching his spork. "What are you doing here?"

Zim brought up a fist and cleared his throat. "I've come to engage in a friendly, perfectly normal and definitely _non-_ scheming conversation with your little sister."

Gaz froze for a second, cracking one eye open at Zim, before shutting it again and returning to her game as she calmly said, "I have a name, you know."

"Right, er… Gus."

"Gaz."

"Yes, of course," Zim said. "So, _Gaz_ … I'd like to propose what I'm certain will be an amazing opportunity for you, one that is, in fact, so amazing you won't be able to resist it."

"You're boring me," Gaz said, idly pressing buttons on her handheld game. "Get to the point already."

"Ehm, well…" Zim rubbed the back of his head. "What if I were to tell you that someone would be interested in taking you out on… eh… what do we _humans_ call it… oh, yes, a _date?"_

Dib's utensil clattered to the floor. Even the typically stoic Gaz couldn't mask her surprise as her eyes flew open wide again. The two siblings sat, frozen, their mouths ajar. A second later, Dib lurched forward, grabbing Zim with both hands by the tiny pink collar of his Irken uniform.

"You gave Gaz those flowers, didn't you?"

Zim laughed in Dib's face. "You dumb, silly _Earth creature._ You think Zim would ever fall prey to such sickening rituals associated with _human affection?_ I am above such horrible afflictions."

"Well, if _you_ didn't send her the flowers, then—"

"DO NOT INTERRUPT ME!" Zim interrupted. "The heinous flowers you speak of were from my loyal servant, GIR."

"Wait a minute," Dib said, releasing Zim and taking a step back. "Are you saying your weird robot dog thingy has a crush on my sister?"

"It would sadly appear that way, yes," Zim said. "And, it would most please my precious little GIR if your sister would accompany him on a date tonight."

"Oh, _wow,"_ Dib said, throwing his hands in the air. "I've always known you were crazy, Zim, but this is taking it to a whole new level. If you think my sister would actually agree to go on a _date_ with your insane robot, you must be—"

"I'll go."

"See, she'll— _what?"_ Dib said.

"I'll go on the stupid date with Zim's stupid robot," Gaz said.

"Gaz! Do you _hear_ yourself? You can't possibly want to go out on a date with a—"

Gaz's hand shot out and twisted into Dib's shirt. She leaned in dangerously close to him. "I _told_ you to stay out of my business. I can make my _own_ decisions, and I'm going on this date whether you like it or not." She let go of him and walked right up to Zim, who flinched, but otherwise remained rooted in place as she pointed a sharpened digit at him. "Tell your dumb robot there'd better be no funny business, or I'll deactivate him and throw his remains into a river. Got it?"

Zim's breathing came out in shallow spurts, his contact-coated eyes wide and shining with unbridled terror. He'd barely nodded before Gaz stalked off, leaving Zim with only a second to compose himself before Dib got in his face again.

"I don't know what you're up to, Zim, but whatever it is, I'll find out, and I'll stop you like I always do."

Zim couldn't help smirking at his ultimate nemesis. "If you say so, _Dib._ Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go help my faithful robot get ready for his date."

He walked away, while Dib stood there, trying to make sense of everything that had just transpired. Somehow, though, only one thought popped into his mind above all the rest.

"Wait, but… We still have a few more hours left of Skool."

* * *

"Now, remember, GIR," Zim said later that evening as he walked with GIR to the Membrane household. The small robot looked like a mini magician, dressed in a black tuxedo and top hat for his chosen date attire. "You charm the Earth female, earn her trust, and then, you casually ask her about her dimwitted brother's weaknesses, which we shall use against him to finally take him down. I'll be keeping an eye on you all night using advanced spyware technology." He pulled out a pair of regular, old binoculars. "There's also the two-way communicator chip I've implanted in your head so that you'll be able to hear everything I say, and I'll be able to hear you as well." He chuckled. "This plan truly is idiot-proof. I swear, sometimes even I impress me with my genius… ness."

They approached the house, inside which Dib prattled on to a fully disinterested Gaz.

"I mean, sure, we know Zim's robot is stupid, but the fact that he's also unpredictable is what we need to worry about," he said. "At any given moment he could try to do something crazy like… suck out your brains or something!"

"Hmm," Gaz said. "That would be kind of cool."

"Gaz, this is serious! You have to be on high alert. Who knows what kind of evil mind control games Zim's crazy robot is planning on pulling tonight?"

The doorbell rang in rapid succession, and Gaz breezed past her brother as she reached for the door.

"You'd know crazy, Dib."

She opened the door to find GIR repeatedly pressing the doorbell. He stopped when he saw Gaz, and he threw himself around her.

"We'ze goin' out!"

Gaz cringed as GIR tightened his hold on her, crushing her organs. She managed to wrangle herself free and pry him off.

"I already regret this," she said, yet she followed him out the door anyway.

* * *

The smells of greasy, fried dough and salted popcorn coupled with the sounds of whirring mechanical rides and overly excited children all pointed to one dreadful destination: a carnival.

A pink-haired teenager sat behind the ticket counter, resting her chin in her palm as she lazily flipped through a magazine. She blew a bubble from a large wad of electric blue gum.

"Gimme twenty million tickets!"

The bubble popped. Her eyes scanned the well-dressed little robot up and down, before she cast an inquisitive glance at the angry-looking girl standing beside him, and finally at the loose coins and wrinkly dollar bill he'd slapped down on the counter. She counted up the money and scoffed.

"This isn't even enough for one ticket."

"Ohhh," GIR said, and he pulled out more cash, adding it to the pile. "How 'bout now?"

The aloof teenager blinked. She scraped her manicured hand along the counter and took out a string of tickets, handing them to GIR. He eagerly snatched them up and waved them around like a paper ribbon.

"Yaaaay, I'm gonna eat 'til I puke!" he said, grabbing Gaz by the hand and yanking her into the carnival festivities before she could protest.

Meanwhile, outside the perimeter of the venue stood a tall, mighty tree with twisting branches. Zim sat perched atop one of its branches, leaning against the heavy bark. He chuckled viciously to himself as he watched the two of them through his binoculars.

"Yes… Enjoy yourself now you dumb, little human, for soon, you will unknowingly help Zim by providing the information needed to take down your pathetic excuse for a planet once and for all!"

Zim's evil laughter cut short when the sound of rustling leaves caught his attention. He lowered the binoculars and stared with narrowed eyes at the dark green leaves, waiting to hear the sound again, but nothing came. Finally, he raised the binoculars and focused back on his cohort.

GIR dragged Gaz through the crowd of disgusting carnival-goers stuffing their faces with churros and cotton candy. She would've pummeled the next unfortunate person who happened to cross her path had GIR not stepped onto a platform for the bumper cars. His arm vibrated when suddenly, he shot up and out of Gaz's grasp. His top hat flew off his head, and he stuck sideways to the magnetic ceiling connecting the bumper car cables, which zipped by undisturbed. GIR giggled, waving at Gaz, while Zim's eyes shot open wide.

"No, GIR! Get down from there! You can't draw attention to yourself lest these dreadful humans catch on to our _amazing_ plan!"

With GIR doing nothing to save himself, Gaz walked up to a portly worker manning the controls for the bumper cars.

"Hey," she said. "There's a kid stuck to the ceiling."

The worker drew himself out of his eternal state of misery long enough to glance up and see GIR hanging from the ceiling, swinging his legs back and forth while humming a jaunty little tune to himself. He let out a tired sigh.

"Not again."

He pressed a large red button, stopping the flow of electricity, and GIR came crashing to the ground. Gaz walked over and grabbed him by one of his robotic limbs, hauling the oblivious robot out of harm's way just before two bumper cars collided into each other.

Zim blinked behind the binoculars, dumbfounded. "The Earth female… rescued GIR?"

"Look," Gaz said, releasing GIR. "You're really stupid, and I don't feel like chasing you around and getting you out of trouble all night. Let's just go play one of those dumb carnival games, okay?"

"Will you win me a monkey?" GIR asked.

Gaz scoffed. "I hate monkeys. Piggies, on the other hand…"

"Ooh, I love piggies," GIR said. "They taste like bacon!"

"Yeah… They do," Gaz said.

She and GIR headed over to one of the game booths, behind which a gangly teen with shaggy blond hair sat, half-asleep. He jolted awake when GIR slammed some money down.

"I WANNA WIN A PIG!"

The blond teenager stared for a moment, brows knitting together. "Hey… Why's that metal kid wearing a tuxedo?"

"Why's your face so hideous to look at?" Gaz asked.

The teen now lowered his brows, though he said nothing, as if knowing he had no argument. He took the money and handed GIR three rings to toss at the glass bottles lined up against the wall behind him. GIR wasted no time in throwing all three of them at the same time. They ricocheted off the wall, spiraling in different directions. One knocked a little kid's ice cream clean off the cone. The second hit a random guy, who screamed and fell backward, knocking over people behind him and sending them tumbling down like a row of collapsing dominoes.

The third struck a lever for the Ferris wheel, sending the ride into overdrive. It spun uncontrollably, and people flew out every which way. They hurtled through the air, screaming, and crashed into various booths and rides. The worker operating the Ferris wheel finally pulled the lever back, returning the ride to its normal speed, all without looking up from his newspaper. People dragged themselves free from the rubble of broken wood and charred metal, groaning in pain.

"Hmm," Gaz said as she stared at the destruction. "That was pretty funny. Let me try." She took out some money and threw it at the blond teen, who simply stood there, stunned by the sights before him.

Still watching intently from behind his binoculars, Zim hummed to himself, riveted, too, by the unfurling chaos.

"The horrifying little dirt child finds amusement in human turmoil," he said with an unexpected spark of intrigue.

Gaz tossed all three rings one after the next, and each one landed around the neck of a glass bottle.

"YAY! PIGGY TIME!" GIR said in sheer happiness.

The blond behind the booth still didn't move, his eyes wide and stupid, so Gaz took it upon herself to claim her prize by snatching one of the stuffed piggies hanging above them. She handed it to GIR, who squeezed it so tightly its eyes nearly popped out.

"All this talk of pigs is making me hungry," she said. "Let's go stuff our faces."

She walked off with an excitable GIR, and together the two of them ordered every item off the menu from one of the food vendors. They sat down and proceeded to enjoy a bountiful meal of hot dogs, burgers and weenies on a stick. The longer they sat there eating, without saying a word, the more Zim's patience dwindled.

"Okay, GIR. You've enjoyed yourself long enough. Ask about Dib's weaknesses already so that we may SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF HIS IMPETUOUS SOUL!"

 _"AHA!"_ Dib said, popping out from one of the branches.

Zim's crimson eyes bulged for a second, though upon seeing his enemy, a fiery rage swept through him.

 _"Dib."_

"I knew you and your idiot robot were up to something," Dib said, pausing to pull a few loose twigs out of his hair. He slid down the bark of the tree and landed on the same branch as Zim. "Fortunately, I had the foresight to follow you here and spy on you as you spied on my sister. I had to see for myself what exactly your evil plan was. Which, I gotta say, even for you, this one's really stupid."

Zim's entire body shook with anger. "I WILL END YOU!"

He launched himself at Dib, and as the two engaged in a wrestling of limbs, Gaz looked up, swallowing the piece of corn dog she'd been chewing.

"Hey," she said, turning to GIR, who slurped down his fifth soda. "Did you hear the sickening sounds of my brother's and your stupid master's voices just now?"

GIR nodded, releasing the straw from his mouth. "Yuh-huh, my master's been here the whole time! He put a communicator thingy in my head to find out your brother's secrets. He thinks you're real scary."

Of course, through the two-way communicator, Zim and Dib had heard him as well, and the two of them both froze now.

"Wait," Dib said, pulling back from Zim. "You're _scared_ of my sister?"

"Eheheh, nonsense," Zim said. "I find her an inferior and worthless human like the rest of your pitiful species and—GIR! You're supposed to find out the Dib's secrets, not expose _Zim's!_ Follow through on your mission or I'll… eh… blow up the TV!"

"Give me the communicator," Gaz said, and GIR promptly took out the chip from inside his head and surrendered it to her. She looked at it for a second before crushing it in her palm, letting the pieces crumble to the ground as she unclenched her fist, all while taking another bite out of her corn dog.

"GIR, can you hear me? GIR? OBEY ZIM!"

No answer came, and Dib's snickering soon broke the silence.

"Oh, man, I can't believe I never realized it before. Who would've thought a supposedly horrible alien who wants to wipe out the human race is terrified of my little—GAH!"

Zim chucked his binoculars at Dib, and with him momentarily vulnerable as he rubbed the bruise forming on his head, he went in to attack him once more.

"Now that those idiots aren't listening," Gaz said, "I should probably tell you I didn't really want to come here tonight." Surprisingly, GIR paused in his ravenous eating. "I only did it to get a rise out of my brother. He infuriates me in a way your idiotic brain couldn't even begin to understand." A gust of wind picked up, and GIR's forgotten top hat rolled near her feet. She picked it up and placed it back on his head. "Obviously, you didn't want to be here either, since your master clearly put you up to this, so… No hard feelings. I guess."

With nothing left to say, Gaz got up and headed for the exit. She walked past all the broken booths and the many paramedics who'd arrived. A tug on her shirt brought her to a stop, and she turned to find GIR standing there. He took out the messy picture he'd drawn of the two of them eating pizza and held it out to her.

Just then, Zim and Dib fell out of the tree, crashing in front of them, though Gaz didn't even flinch. She took the drawing from GIR and stashed it away for safe keeping, while a disheveled Dib bolted up.

"Gaz, there you are! Listen to me, Zim's trying to—"

Without missing a beat, she grabbed her brother by the scruff of his shirt and grit her teeth. "You're lucky there are no pigs in the vicinity." Suddenly, she turned to Zim, and the slightest hint of a frightening little smirk slid across her face. She threw up both hands. "Boo."

Zim screeched, throwing his hands over his head to shield himself from her ire, while Gaz let out a satisfied chuckle and walked off with Dib in tow.

Uncharacteristically quiet now, GIR clutched his stuffed piggy and slumped against Zim, who glanced down at his lovesick comrade for a moment before looking back at Gaz.

"You know, GIR, while tonight may have been a minor setback in our mission, I wouldn't deem it a _complete_ failure. That little Earth child you're so fond of has the potential to be a worthy accomplice. Perhaps, once we finally eradicate the humans, we shall spare her life, for even I, the great _ZIM,_ must confess that while I still find humans to be _mind-numbingly worthless_ … I'm beginning to see what you find so appealing about… Gaz."


End file.
